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It had been perfect.

  But while it was okay for me to fall in love with her in one night when we were teens, it sure as fuck wasn’t okay now. I downed my glass of scotch and set the empty glass down. I had these feelings of affection and desire for her that I hadn’t planned on.

  I’d thought that I would be over her, if I ever met her again. That I wouldn’t feel anything. But I was wrong.

  How could I be her doctor if I couldn’t be objective? I’d have to tell her. I’d have to let her know that she should see another doctor.

  But…

  If she saw another doctor, how could I ever see her again?

  It was selfish and possibly wrong of me, but… I couldn’t quite bring myself to tell her. I knew that I should but.

  I wanted to see her again.

  4

  Veronica

  A few days after my appointment and unexpected reunion with Ted, I had my usual Friday lunch with my best friend, Layla. We’d run in the same social circles for years, and she was one of the few people who had approved of my divorcing Chad instead of just telling me that I was crazy and giving up my entire life and throwing away a good thing, Mom.

  Anyway.

  We hit up our usual place, where the servers knew our order and we were greeted like old friends. It was one of the few places in this entire city where I felt safe anymore after the divorce, because no matter where I went it felt like people would gossip about me. But the entire staff at this place, from the managers on down, knew me and were so kind to me. It made me feel at home more than my new, bare-bones apartment did, and certainly more than my place with Chad ever had.

  Layla gave me a shrewd look as I sat down across from her. “You seem a little distracted today. Everything okay?”

  “What? Oh, no, everything’s fine.” I smiled at her and took a deep breath. “I’ve… I’ve done it. I’ve decided to have a baby.”

  Layla’s face broke into a huge grin. “Oh my God! Good for you!”

  “If it isn’t my favorite sisters,” our server Katie joked as she walked up with some iced sweet tea. “I’ve put your order in, should be out real shortly.”

  Katie and the rest of the waitstaff here knew that Layla and I weren’t related—or at least they knew that now. Layla had honey brown hair a bit lighter than mine, and similar dark eyes, and so the staff had thought we were sisters for months.

  I didn’t see it, personally. Layla was statuesque and stunning, and while I wasn’t hurting in the looks department - if I did say so myself - I wasn’t all tall and big breasted the way that Layla was.

  “A baby, though, that’s crazy!” Layla said. “In a good way, I mean, wow!”

  “Well, I’ve always wanted to be a mother, you know, and Chad kept me from so many dreams for so long… and the longer I wait the harder it’ll be the get pregnant, so I wanted to get on it. I want to be a mom.”

  “I think that’s real brave of you, sweetheart,” Layla told me. “Honestly. But I thought Chad wanted kids too, why didn’t you have one while you were still with him? That way he could be paying you some hefty child support right now.”

  “I couldn’t bring my children up in that kind of environment,” I said firmly. “My high school boyfriend grew up with an abusive father and I saw what it did to him, and I know what Chad’s behavior did to me. I wasn’t going to take a single chance that the kids wouldn’t have the best environment growing up. I want my child to have nothing but love and respect.”

  “That’s fair. Chad’s a narcissist who only cares about himself, honey, you did the right thing to wait.”

  “I stayed in that marriage too long, is what I did.” Years of secretly being on birth control so that I wouldn’t have a kid with that man, years of being miserable… I should’ve gotten out so much sooner. How many years of my life had been wasted now, how many opportunities had I missed, because of this?

  “But you had the courage to get out,” Layla said, looking me straight in the eye. “And that’s what matters. You knew it would disappoint your parents and you knew Chad wouldn’t make it easy and for some people, that would’ve stopped them. But you said hell to all of that and I, for one, think it makes you amazing.”

  “Stop, you’re being too kind.” I sighed. “Chad dragged things out for a whole goddamn year, fought me over every nickel and dime, that’s why I’m only able to start the fertility process now. But I came out ahead. I have enough alimony to live comfortably, and I just closed on the little cottage I was telling you about.”

  I could finally move out of my stupid apartment and into this lovely little cottage that I’d had my eye on. I had bought it with my half of the proceeds from selling the house I had lived in with Chad. The cottage was quaint, at least according to my parents, and had only enough room for myself and the baby, but I knew I could make it work. And it was something all of my own, that I had bought with my own money - not something my husband or parents had bought for me.

  “I figure, if I’m thrifty with the alimony, I won’t have to work at all the first several years, and I can just stay home all day with the baby until my child’s old enough to go to school. Then I can go out and get something - and I don’t care if it’s a waitressing job or a receptionist or anything, Layla, I really don’t. I just care that it’s mine.”

  Layla nodded, smiling at me. “I think that’s really admirable, Veronica, honestly. But you said you’re going to a…you’ve started fertility treatments?”

  “Well, not yet, but I’m going to. I went to the Winters’ clinic.”

  “He’s the best around or so I hear.”

  “Yes.” I took a deep breath. Here went nothing. “He’s also my ex-boyfriend from high school.”

  Layla nearly dropped her iced tea glass. “He’s…he’s what!?”

  “I had no idea until I went in and saw him!” I admitted. “I dealt with everything through his receptionist, and then I was sitting there, just in my paper gown thing, and in he walks! And he’s gorgeous and successful and…oh it was so embarrassing, I felt so bad. And he was so kind about it too, and he didn’t have to be.”

  “Are you going to get another doctor?” Layla asked in a hushed voice, her eyes wide. “I could never handle anything like that, if my ex walked in I’d have just plum fainted right there.”

  Layla was a very sweet woman, and also shy. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she really would have fainted in my situation.

  I shook my head. “He’s the best around, and I want the best. Besides, I don’t want to waste more time trying to find another doctor and end up on another long wait list. I don’t have any fertility issues that I know of, and he said that I seemed to be all good to go, so it’ll be a short and sweet process. I won’t ever have to see him again once this is all finished - he’s a fertility doctor, so once I’m pregnant, I’ll switch over to an OB/GYN who will actually handle the pregnancy.”

  As I said this, I could feel an odd sort of lump settling in my stomach. If I dared to name it, I would have said that it was disappointment. I didn’t… exactly want to walk away from Ted. Of course it was the smart thing to do. I had hurt him, and I didn’t think despite all of his forgiveness that he would let go of that so easily. And yet…

  I shoved those thoughts away. I’d sworn off relationships and I’d meant it. I wasn’t going to let a messy affair with my former high school boyfriend, who was also my fertility doctor, end up getting in the way of where I wanted my focus to be: on my child.

  I wanted to be a mother and nothing was going to get in the way of that.

  Besides, just because Ted seemed to have forgiven me for how I’d broken up with him didn’t mean he wanted to actually be involved with me in any way. And a handsome, successful man like him? He must have a girlfriend, surely.

  …right?

  5

  Ted

  It was two weeks after our first… awkward reunion, I guess you could say, that I saw Veronica’s name on the roster sheet when I came into work and checked my
appointments.

  My heart immediately began to beat faster. It was just like when we were together and I would remember that it was Friday: date night.

  We never really had fancy dates. We were kids, for one thing. I didn’t have the money for it, for another. I’m sure Veronica’s other potential suitors, the sons of wealthy people just like herself, would’ve taken her out to all sorts of places. But Veronica had never cared about that. She’d just wanted to spend time, just the two of us, away from everyone else.

  I’d cherished those date nights. During the week at school I’d had to deal with my friends thinking she was stuck up and berating me for dating her. I’d had to deal with homework and classes, which was stressful because I’d had no clue what to do with my life. I hadn’t seen Veronica as much because of our class schedules, and when I did I’d had to deal with her friends thinking I was trash and wondering why she was dating me.

  Yeah, it was all a blast.

  But it had been worth it for her, and for the times when I was alone with her. And Friday nights had been the perfect time. We would drive to the movies where a friend of mine worked and he’d help us sneak in for free. We’d go out to the woods and find a good spot to look at the stars, or head to the beach. Everything else had fallen away - my family bullshit, worries about school, all of that - when I’d been with her. I hadn’t cared what else I’d had to deal with.

  For these past two weeks I’d been plagued with memories just like these. Even now, just knowing she was coming in later, I was distracted getting ready for my work day. I couldn’t afford that. I had to take care of my patients and I couldn’t do that when I was thinking about my high school girlfriend and the way she would squeak when I hoisted her up onto the hood of my car and spread her thighs.

  Bridget noticed that I wasn’t up to snuff but she didn’t say anything, just kept helping me with my patients as I struggled to keep my focus on them and not think about Veronica. She seemed to have changed since we’d last spoken - since she’d dumped me, rather - but had she changed to the point where we could no longer get along? Where we no longer enjoyed each other’s company?

  She was gorgeous - beyond gorgeous. I had, to my shame, jacked myself off to thoughts of her three times by now in the shower, biting down on my groans as if I was back in college and sharing a dorm room with people, as if someone could overhear me.

  But was she still the girl who could make me laugh, the girl that I could spend hours talking to?

  And why was I even wondering about this!?

  Get it together, man, for fuck’s sake.

  I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about this. Thinking about this - wondering if we were still compatible, daydreaming about the past - it was as if we were going to start dating again and that wasn’t - that wouldn’t - couldn’t, happen.

  I considered, not for the first time, referring her to another doctor. I had some excellent colleagues and if I talked to them, I could get Veronica in with them so she wouldn’t have to be put back on a waiting list. It would solve everything.

  But I hadn’t quite been able to bring myself to do it yet.

  After muddling through the day, somehow, I got to Veronica’s appointment. I waited for her in my office, feeling oddly nervous.

  I was a successful doctor, I’d had countless dates since she’d broken up with me, and here I was nervous like this was our first date all over again.

  Veronica entered, and my heart stopped for a second.

  She was just as gorgeous as she’d been the other day. Veronica was wearing a pale, slightly see-through blouse with a lacy bralette underneath and a flowing skirt that matched the bralette rather than the blouse. Her hair was done up in a messy braid, but she wasn’t wearing really any makeup, just enough to help her to look professional and fresh-faced.

  It was such a contrast to how she’d dressed in high school, but in a good way. I preferred this look, actually.

  “Hi,” she said, sounding almost shy as she sat down across from me. It took everything for me to look her in the eye instead of staring at her breasts. I wanted to rip that blouse off and get those beautiful mounds in my mouth, tug on her nipples with my teeth and make her whimper and squirm.

  “Hey how’ve you been feeling?” I asked instead. Down, boy.

  “Have you had a chance to look over the literature I sent?”

  “You make it sound like you gave me Jane Eyre,” Veronica laughed. “Yes, I looked it all over, visited the websites you mentioned, too. I think that the intrauterine insemination process with donor sperm is the best option for me, but that means I’ll need to find a donor.”

  “Yes - you can use a sperm bank or you can ask someone that you know if they would be willing to donate. A lot of women have someone in their lives that they ask, because they know that person’s personality and so they feel they have a better idea of what their baby will be like. Some women do advertise in papers or online, or will ask someone they only sort of know. I know one woman who asked her barista.”

  “What!?” Veronica burst out into laughter. “Are you serious? I could never do that, I’d die of embarrassment.”

  “Well hey, you know, there’s always that handsome guy in your life that you’re always running into…”

  “Can you imagine?” Veronica adopted a more formal voice. “Hi, I know we’ve never spoken before, but would you be able to help me have a baby? Don’t worry, you won’t have to ever see me naked, just put it into a cup here!”

  I laughed. “Or, hey I know you get my coffee order every morning, so I think you’d be super comfortable giving me sperm for a baby, right?”

  “How do you even put in an advertisement like that?” Veronica cleared her throat and waved her hand in the air as if she was creating blocks of text. “Wanted: six foot four career man with dark hair, no glasses, no hereditary diseases, and a good sense of humor to be a sperm donor. Must not be scared of spiders, must like comedies, can’t be allergic to strawberries.” She laughed again. “I mean, the list of what you want must be so long and specific!”

  “Women like to be able to screen the applicants themselves, and unlike a donor bank, doing it yourself means you can tailor the process to what you want specifically and you can ask different questions that are relevant to you that a donor bank’s information might not have on file.”

  “I suppose,” Veronica replied. “I could just never do that, can you imagine what kind of weirdos you would get? Or prank calls?”

  “Oh trust me, I’ve heard some crazy stories,” I told her. “You can always pick a friend, though.”

  “A friend where you know all their good qualities but also all their annoying ones.” Veronica mimed writing in a notebook. “Cons: never paid me back for that one lunch, can’t hold his liquor, once tried to open the door for me and ended up smacking me in the face with it…”

  I snorted. “Yeah, and then any time you had an argument with them in the future they could just say, but I donated sperm for you and they’d win the argument.”

  “Oh my God, exactly!” Veronica laughed. “On a more serious note, though, I don’t think I have any friends that I could feel comfortable asking. I just… worry that I would see my friend in my child, and while that’s great if the person you’re making a baby with is a romantic partner, it becomes a bit weird, I think, when it’s your friend. And what if the friend feels weird about it afterwards? I wouldn’t want to risk anything becoming awkward for my child because of that. I don’t want them to demand anything of their father, or their father to feel any obligation. To be in their life but not at the same time…” She shook her head. “No, it’s not for me.”

  “Then I would recommend a sperm bank,” I told her. “They have excellent references and profiles that you can look through, including pictures. You’re guaranteed a healthy donor, no diseases or anything.”

  Veronica shifted in her seat. “I… I know this is going to sound ridiculous but I’m not sure I’m… up to the task of going to a
sperm bank. I just…” She shrugged helplessly.

  “It can be a little jarring at first,” I replied. “You’re far from my first patient to feel nervous about this. I could…”

  I shouldn’t do this. I knew that I shouldn’t do this. But I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to help her, I wanted her to feel safe, and I wanted to spend more time with her.

  Dammit, I was so screwed already, and not in the good way.

  Veronica raised her eyebrows, her eyes a bit wide, expectant. And, dare I say, hopeful?

  “…I could go with you,” I finished. “Help you feel more comfortable, give you someone to bounce ideas off of, that kind of thing.”

  This was just going the extra mile, that was all.

  Veronica smiled at me in relief, her shoulders slumping and her whole body relaxing. “Would you? Really? You don’t have to, Ted, really.”

  “No, no, really it’s no problem. I want to make sure that all of my patients have the best experience possible. We’ll say it’s for old times’ sake, if you like.”

  Veronica gave another laugh, this one smaller and… dare I say fond? I was probably just projecting onto her what I wanted to see, what I was hoping that I would see - that she’d been thinking of me as well, that this wasn’t one-sided.

  “I’m free this Friday afternoon,” I told her. “I can set up an appointment with a reputable bank. I’ve sent a lot of patients there, they have quality merchandise.”

  Veronica chuckled. “I’ll clear my schedule, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to make a withdrawal.”

  “If only there was a way to sample the supplies.”

  “Right?” she laughed.

  Her laughter died down and we looked at one another for a moment, and I felt an odd awkwardness fall. Not awkwardness like we didn’t know what to do with each other but… was I imagining it? Or was there tension between us?

  I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to walk around my desk and grab her and kiss the living daylights out of her. I wanted to slide my hands all over her body and relearn her curves, find all the ways that her body had changed over the last decade and all the ways that it had stayed the same.