Saving Her (Her Protector Book 2) Page 19

“I’ll get you a nice cup of hot tea. That always helps me. On the house.” She smiled at me, “I’m Robin by the way.”

  “I’m Zoe. Zoe Car– Brown.”

  “Well, Zoe. Nice to meet you. I’ll be right back with your tea.”

  I waited for her to say something about my slip up but she just walked back towards the kitchen, saying something to calm the irate cook who waved a spatula at her. The kind waitress might not have noticed, but I sure had. And it only reminded me of just how many lies I had told Jake.

  I didn’t lie to him, I argued with myself, I just haven’t been a hundred percent honest. Right. As if that made it any better.

  I owed him the truth. The whole truth. I had to come clean with everything. It was the only way we could move forward together. I didn’t know how I would tell him. I didn’t know how he would react, or what we would do. But I did know one thing. I knew that we could handle anything, as long as we were together.

  I glanced at the couple again as they both drank a single milkshake out of two straws, giggling like teenagers, still lost in their own world. That’s what I wanted. And that’s what I had with Jake. I just needed to fight for it. For us. All three of us.

  A new sense of hope filled me and I pulled out two precious twenty dollar bills and left them on the table with a note for Robin. That she would be an excellent mom. That any child would be lucky to have her.

  I only hoped that she was right and that love would be enough to make up for any other failing. I certainly had never had a role model mother to look up to. I would just have to do my best. That was all there. All that I could do.

  And that started with coming clean with Jake and telling him everything. No more secrets, no matter how scary it was to tell him, to say it all out loud. No matter how much it hurt, to live through it all again.

  I was safe now, and stronger than I had ever been before. I could do this. We could do this together.

  Nerves and that spark of hope jangled together inside me as I made my way back to Jake’s truck, driving it the twenty minutes back out of town towards the ranch. I was filled with the certainty that it would all would out for the best.

  Maybe Robin’s optimism had rubbed off on me but I felt a million times lighter at the thought of finally telling someone all my secrets, of having someone know everything about me.

  I bit my lip, trying to figure out when and where would be the best time to tell him but the choice was taken from me when I stepped into the office and saw him sitting there behind his desk, looking so defeated.

  I knew how hard he worked on the ranch, how much love he put into making it work. They were slowly making their way out of the red and into the black but there was still a long way to go.

  A pang of guilt shot through me. A baby wasn’t going to exactly help things, in fact it would probably become messy and complicated. I drew in a deep breath. It didn’t matter. The baby growing inside me filled me with pure joy, and I hoped that Jake would feel the same way once I told him.

  “Hey there.” I said softly, walking into the office and slowly closing the door behind me. My stomach was alight with nerves and I had to swallow several times before I could force any words out through the lump in my throat.

  “I, um, I have something to tell you.” I drew in a deep, steadying breath and opened my mouth again to come clean, to tell him everything, but his words stopped me cold.

  “That’s the fucking understatement of the year,” His words were quiet, but not soft. No, not soft at all. There was steel behind each one, even though he never raised his voice. He wouldn’t look at me, his gaze still focused on the computer screen in front of him. “Unless you’re here to tell me the truth I don’t really give a damn.”

  I flinched at the anger in his gray eyes when he finally looked at me.

  “J…Jake? What…”

  “You know what, let me just go ahead and save you from the trouble of having to come up with more lies to tell me,” Every word felt like a knife stabbing into me, made all the worse by his quiet as steel tone and the rage in his eyes. “I know that you lied. About everything. You aren’t who you said you are. Your ex never abused you. Hell, you even lied to me about your name! You ran away, leaving all responsibility behind. Why?”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldn’t breathe. Panic was setting in, making me go numb all over.

  “You know what, Zoe. I don’t care. I really don’t.” He shook his head and my heart broke into a million pieces. What was happening? How had everything gone wrong so fast.

  “I think you should go.”

  “What?” I finally forced out the breathless question, everything I wanted to say stuck on my tongue, swollen in my throat, choking me.

  “Did I stutter? I want you to leave. I want you to pack your suitcase and get the hell off of my property. I don’t…I can’t even look at you right now. I thought…” He trailed off, and I thought for a moment he would wave it all away. Say that he didn’t mean it. Sit me down and tell me that he wasn’t abandoning me.

  But it was just like Elliot all over again. Couldn’t bear to stay with me when things got hard. I let out a bitter laugh. I’d survived on my own for the past year, running for my life. I could survive on my own now. But damn, this hurt so much worse than leaving Elliot.

  When I forced my feet to move, to walk out of the office, to walk away from Jake it felt like a physical pain, like I had ripped out my heart and I was leaving it on the floor of the office, withered and battered and bruised.

  I didn’t stay. I couldn’t. I could hardly think past the pain. I grabbed what I could with shaking hands and called the only taxi in the town of Solace to come get me. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew I couldn’t stay there.

  I left with Jake’s look of anger and bitterness burned into my mind, accusing me over and over again.

  28

  Jake

  I took one long swig from the beer and grimaced. It had long gone warm and I thought about getting up and pouring it out but it all seemed like too much effort. What was the point anyway? I would open another and it would just grow warm again, untouched and undrunk, just like this one.

  I knew I was pitying myself. I should be out working on the ranch but I just couldn’t make myself get up. I couldn’t make myself care about anything except the massive hole that had opened up in the middle of my chest, just like a black hole, sucking everything inside it.

  All the joy, all the happiness, all the good memories, sucked into that black hole until all that was left was the pain and bitter cynicism that told me that I should have known better.

  I should have, damn it. I should have known it would happen all over again. I should have known that I couldn’t have trusted any one. Especially not a beautiful woman. I knew what would happen. I was such an idiot for thinking that she would love me the way I loved her.

  I grit my teeth, clamping down on the thought. Love. Hah. I tried to brush it off but it was there, just underneath the surface. And it was why Zoe’s betrayal hurt so god damned much. It hurt me a hell of a lot more than Valerie ever had.

  Because I hadn’t really loved Valerie. I understood that now. I had loved the idea of her. The idea of a life together with a partner, with someone who cared about and understood me. And I’d finally found that, for a little while. With Zoe.

  And you fucked it all up.

  I shoved that thought away too. It wasn’t my doing. She was the one who lied, the one who couldn’t tell me the truth.

  You never gave her the chance too.

  Shut up, damn it!

  I was arguing with myself now, with the guilt that tried to worm its way inside me at the way I had snapped at her the day before. The way I’d chased her away without even giving her the chance to explain. I’d just been so hurt, and so god damned pissed off. That I’d let it happen again. That I had fallen for another woman who would betray me, who would lie to me, and play me for a fool.

  Zoe isn’t Valerie, d
umb ass.

  I couldn’t get the thoughts to stop and I was honestly too tired to keep fighting them. So, I just sat there on the old couch in the living room, glaring at the upright piano that only reminded me of her. Of Zoe. And of the things I said to her. The stricken look in her green eyes as they’d widened and filled with the sheen of tears.

  “God damnit!”

  “Is that any way to greet your little sister?”

  I jumped in my seat, whipping around to see Beth standing in the door frame as she walked inside.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Again, that is no way to greet your little, and only sister, whom you love very much.” Beth glanced around, finally taking in my disheveled state, the bottle of beer sitting next to me. It wasn’t even noon yet. Her brows narrowed.

  “Where’s Zoe?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it Beth.”

  “Oh my god, you idiot!” She stomped closer, whacking me none too lightly on the arm.

  “What the hell was that for?”

  “What did you say to her!”

  “Why do you assume it was me?”

  Beth didn’t answer, just tilted her head, giving me a look that said more plain than words ever could that I acting like a dumb ass. Well, I’d already figured that out for myself.

  “You don’t understand, Beth! She lied to me. She lied to you! She’s been lying to everyone about who she really is.”

  “Who she really is?” Beth snorted, shaking her head, “What, like she’s some secret government spy or something?”

  “What, exactly did she lie to you about, pray tell?”

  “Well, she lied about her name for starters!” I could feel my temper flaring and clenched my hands into fists to keep it under control.

  “Her name isn’t Zoe?”

  “No. Well, yes, it is, but her last name isn’t Brown. It’s Carlyle!”

  “Okay, so she went under a different last name. What’s the big deal about that?”

  “it’s just another lie, Beth. One more lie on a whole mountain of lies.”

  She gave me that look again, and I rushed ahead, the words falling out of my mouth.

  “She lied about her ex fiancé, Beth. She told me he abused her but it wasn’t true. She lived this whole other life. She was some big famous piano player and she played concerts all over the world.”

  “And she told you, what, that she was a plumber or something?”

  “No, she, ah, she just never talked about her past–”

  “So she didn’t actually lie about being a world famous musician.” Beth said, dead pan, still staring at me. This really wasn’t going the way I expected. I thought she’d be just a furious as I was but instead she looked, well, she looked furious with me.

  “You really are an idiot, Jake.” She said, shaking her head, “When I first saw her at that pawn shop, she was terrified. Absolutely terrified. Like an animal that had been hurt and abused. I know what that looks like, Jake. She’s obviously gone through hell and back. And you expected her to just, what, spill the whole traumatic story to a stranger?”

  “We’re not strangers, Beth! I love her!”

  I clicked my teeth down as soon as the words came flying out of my mouth but not soon enough. Beth just shot me a sympathetic look.

  “I know, big brother. And she loves you too.”

  “She does?”

  “She told me as much. Not that she needed to. All I had to do was take one look at the two of you together to figure it out.” Beth shook her head again, sad this time, “You don’t know how lucky you are to have each other. Sure, no one is perfect, but Zoe isn’t Valerie, Jake,” Beth said, echoing my earlier thoughts.

  “She won’t betray you like that. She really does love you. And maybe she has a messy past, who doesn’t. But you have to give her time, to let her know that she can trust you. That you care about her just as much as she cares about you.”

  I felt guiltier and guiltier with every word that came out of Beth’s mouth.

  “I really messed up.” I said with a sigh, swiping my fingers through my hair. “I told her to leave. I told her I didn’t want to see her any more. I told her to get off my property.”

  Beth’s jaw dropped and before I could react, she punched me in the arm again.

  “You asshole! After she came here and told you about the baby? What is wrong with you! Why would you do something like that? I know Valerie hurt you but it was nearly four years ago and it’s really time to get the hell over it before you let her ruin the only good thing in your life!”

  “Wait…Just wait a god damned minute, Beth!” I roared the words, finally getting her attention and stopping her tirade. “What do you mean ‘baby’?”

  Beth froze, her eyes going wide. Instead of answering with words, though, she just dug a folded piece of paper from her back pocket and handed it to me.

  I opened it, my eyes blurring as I read the results. It was a pregnancy test. My hands fisted, unintentionally crushing the paper and I cursed, smoothing it out again. I didn’t look at Beth as I grabbed my keys and headed for the door.

  “I have to go.”

  * * *

  Zoe

  It hurt to breathe. I knew it shouldn’t. I knew it was probably all in my head. But my chest ached like my heart really was broken.

  “I’m being ridiculous.”

  I had already told myself that several times that morning but I just couldn’t seem to my head and my heart understand it. I looked around the dingy motel room and sighed. It had been months since I’d been here, months since leaving this motel just on the edge of Solace. Before my life had finally started to feel like I was picking up the pieces and putting it back together after it had been shattered into a million pieces.

  And now it all felt broken again. And somehow, this time it was so much worse.

  The night before, I’d called Leon, the only cab in the whole town and at first I’d just sat in the back, totally unsure where to go or what to do. I knew I needed to think things through, but my thoughts were in utter turmoil.

  I’d asked Leon to drop me off here at the motel, the only other place I knew in town. For a moment I’d thought about going to Beth’s but I couldn’t bear to see anyone else. Not in the state I was in. Falling apart. Barely keeping it together until I got inside and collapsed into tears on the bed.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried like that. Not even when my monster started sending me more and more of his ‘presents’. Not when I left Elliot. Not when I fled, leaving the only life I’d ever known behind.

  For some reason, this hurt so much worse. Then, I was running on fear and anxiety for so long that everything had gone numb. It had been a blessing in a way. Shutting off my emotions so that all I had to do was survive.

  But the last half a year that I’d spent with a Jake had changed me. Not just Jake, but Owen and Westley, and Beth. Agnes Lockley, the grouchy old lady that I’d finally won over. The woman at the coffee shop with the thick southern accent and the kind stranger at the diner, Robin. Even the Calhoun brothers.

  This town had worked some sort of magic on me, and now, inexplicably, it had become home. I had finally found a place where I belonged. And it had opened me up again, to joy and happiness. To kindness and compassion. But also, to pain and regret. And I felt that all in spades now. So much sharper after being numb and unfeeling for so long.

  I looked around the motel room, shaken and unsure what to do. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to run again. But I couldn’t stay there.

  I had a few thousand dollars saved up from my months working at the ranch but I knew it wasn’t nearly enough to take care of a child. Enough maybe to find a small apartment in town and find a job. Maybe the diner was hiring.

  I imagined both me and Robin, our bellies swollen and pregnant as we tried to serve the customers their food. I surprised to find a small smile growing on my face. I would make it work. Whatever I needed to do. I was done with
running. I had finally found my home, and I was going to fight to keep it.

  “First thing first,” I said to myself, rising to my feet. “I need to find an actual apartment. And then I need to find a job.”

  I knew they had the local newspaper in the motel office. I would go through the classifieds first. There had to be something I could do.

  Feeling a little more steady, I reached for the door knob just as a sharp knock sounded through the small room. I peeked through the eye hole, swallowing hard before finally pulling the door open.

  “Hi, Jake.”

  29

  Jake

  Anger and pain and guilt swirled inside in a nauseous cocktail and I had to swallow against the shaky queasiness as I pulled into the cracked, nearly empty parking lot of the run down motel.

  It hadn’t been hard to find out where she went. After I’d left Beth’s tirade I had called the only taxi service in the Solace area. A guy name Leon who drove a beat up yellow sedan with taxi painted on the side.

  He remembered picking up a beautiful, black haired woman from the ranch the day before and after reassuring Leon that I didn’t mean her any harm, he told me that he’d taken her to the motel on the outskirts of town.

  I stared up at the building and another surge of anger filled me again, this time directed straight at myself. I hated the idea of Zoe sleeping here even for a single night. The outside had once been painted bright white but now it was a dingy, dirty yellow. The windows all had a thick layer of grime and bits of trash littered the walkway.

  This is where she had been living before working at the ranch. I hated that even more. She deserved so much better.

  My conflicted thoughts tortured me as I threw the truck into park and slowly climbed out to my feet.

  Every step felt like I was dragging an extra hundred pound weight on my back and I was barely holding the anger and guilt in check when I raised my hand, balled it in to a fist, and knocked twice on the door. The paint was peeling away in long, rust colored strips and when I knocked flakes fell to the ground. I stared at them as the door slowly opened.